Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to welcome you tonight, to one of the greatest nights in human history. Boy am I going to beat out that sea-scraping speech…I’m kidding, of course. All our work here at BioBeta is equally important. Some of it is just a little more exciting. 

I have to start out with the necessary bits, so please disconnect your frontal lobe for the next 120 seconds to avoid disinterest. 

Alright. 

I must first and foremost ask for your hand in celebrating our most legendary CEO. Tyler unfortunately couldn’t be with us tonight, but I’m sure you’ll agree when looking at these…choice decorations, that the eccentric is here in spirit. Tyler, we salute you. And I promise I love the inflatable trees. 

Now, from our organic bacteria sorting and chlorophyll development departments, our annual research shining stars, Maggie Tran and Humnah Bashir. Where are you ladies? Gosh, you got the good seats didn’t you! For those of you who don’t know, these golden examples of the youthful desire to heal our world have just escalated the genetic sample for bryopsida, meaning the price of moss for your developments will be cut in half. Show your appreciation.  

Finally, our biggest and by far most beloved partner, Harold Parsons and VivaMart. You won’t know this because he’s very humble, but this year Mr Parsons picked up the ‘Regeneration Award’ for reintroducing BioBeta grass over .14% of the Parsons Supercity. Congratulations on this stunning achievement, sir, and from all of us at BioBeta, we look forward to our continuing partnership. 

All of our work at BioBeta is a partnership. Between the growers and the researches, between the lower management and upper management, between our dear Mother Nature and humanity. Between our company and you. Forgive me, but I feel a tangent coming on. 

When I was a child, my parents worked for BioBeta in Borneo with the last living proboscis monkeys. As one of the final endemic species to survive extinction, the plan was to catalogue their genes in preparation for cloning. Unfortunately, BioBeta was nowhere near the size it is now, and we lost out on the agreements with the Asian sphere at the ultimate hurdle. 

Still, despite not infrequent barriers such as these, I experienced a childhood very few other children got to. A green one. It was not until I first set foot in a supercity that I realised just how privileged I’d been and knew, with my whole heart, that I needed to be a part of filling our future with freshness. 

Because, say it with me now, Every Child Deserves a Green World. Very good.  

Since I started work at BioBeta 26 years ago, we’ve come on in leaps and bounds. As you know, we are wholly committed to the mass reintroduction of organic materials. Ten years ago, we reproduced and, with no small amount of work, cultivated a colony of succulents in the deserts of Eurasia. The locals who live through such hardship in the sands are ever thankful for the touch of something so rare. It spurrs them in their work, motivating them on their walk to the oases. 

In 2157, we revived malus domestica to much fanfare. Although our little orchard project has remained shrouded in mystery since then, I am now happy to announce that with our most recent breakthroughs, made possible only through your funding, your children will know the sweet taste of BioBeta apples. 

Don’t thank me. These are your doings.  

Our work never ceases, by its very nature. In fact, just 6 months ago, our dedicated scientists made their biggest breakthrough yet. By using stem cells obtained from decomposing material locked in highland ice, we have created a universal first. I’m sure you’ll join me in giving a warm welcome to our guest of honour tonight, a world first…Petra!

Don’t be alarmed, ladies and gentlemen. It’s alright. 

I know many of you will have only seen pictures of these beings, and most of you won’t even have seen those. Although she’s as wild as they come, Petra is no threat. In fact, she positively loves humans. Aren’t you sweet? Petra is the first ever biological hybrid created at BioBeta. A stunning red fox. I know, I love her too. 

Just out of interest, how many of you have seen one of these before? Me neither before three days ago. So, let me teach you about foxes. Vulpes vulpes are carnivores that once roamed the northern hemisphere. Alright, we hear you. She’s not the most useful animal, but you can agree, very beautiful. 

In a huge achievement for the contracts held between the biological research bureau and the sentient robotics department, who have each gone to great lengths to ensure Petra is as accurate to the real thing as possible, Petra can keep your settlement free of pests. Fuelled by organic matter such as rodents, Petra then regulates excess heat through her large ears. With a keratin enhanced coating with coarseness to order, those of you in northern Europe need not worry about how Petra will fare in the snow storms. Vertically oriented pupils, a trot speed of 11kph, and-

And…wow, she even digests and defecates, providing constant nourishment for BioBeta brand plant life. Thank you for the demonstration, Petra. You’ve proven my point just wonderfully. Can we get someone to clean that up. Heh, well it can’t all go to plan, can it? 

No need for procreation. Stem cell regeneration is a process mastered almost a century ago. While the neural connection gives Petra control over her alloy skeleton, an override is quick and simple. This means, while Petra can roam free and take perfectly fine care of herself, she’s more than happy in captivity.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a fox. A fox living the joy of life, the gift of existence. The power to create a new world, to save the best of what we’ve lost, it’s all represented here. By our divine Petra.

What’s the best part? For the low price of $165,000, you can buy your very own hybrid today, and reintroduce foxes into your settlement. Alright, settle down. It’s not like we just mastered the universe or anything, right? Hah, I know, I know. Please speak to our assistants at the end of your rows for more details. 

And remember: BioBeta, We Will Heal the World.